August 29, 2015

          It has been a few days since I posted anything. Sorry about that. Seen the oncologist on the 26th and sorta have a battle plan. Definitely will be doing Chemo and radiation. Start radiation on the 10th of September, they just don't know yet weather I am going to do IV Chemo or the pill.  It all depends on the last batch of tests they did.
         For now, there are good days and bad days. Doc gave me some morphine to take every 12 hours. It will help the pain he said, it will control the nerve endings he said, it will make the other pain pills work better he said. Well, let me tell you! I felt like I had just been on a drunken binge the night before. Spent the day in the bathroom upchucking everything I had on my stomach, and even some stuff I didn't have on my stomach! Dizzy, upset stomach, didn't stop the pain. Nope, not doing that one again. Not until I am completely desperate!
          Nothing much has changed so far. Still hanging in there and waiting. Got the greatest message from one of our granddaughters (Ashley). Said she was coming to visit for a couple of days in September. I am so excited! Will sit and chat about baby's (she is pregnant), art (she is quite the little artist herself) and anything else that comes to mind. Can't wait!
          Today has been a good day. Got a surprise visit from our son Michael and wife Carrie. (Anyway, I thought it was a surprise, they tell me that they told me they were coming down this weekend but I forgot! How could I forget????) Anyway, nice surprise. Have had a very nice relaxing day just chatting. So glad that this is one of my good days. I don't like to see the worried look on their faces. I have said it before, and I am saying it again. I will beat this thing!
           Was a busy busy day, Kathy also stopped by and shared a fun story with us. Made sure that I had my legs up to help the swelling. (Boy, am I glad that I had them up when she showed up! LOL) She can be quite a task master!! But she is just thinking of my well being so I can't complain. Just do what I'm told.
            Well, that's it for today, not any worse, not any better, but working on it. Day by Day.
The Lord is on my side and I am in his hands.

August 20, 2015

     So, I don't post everyday, but at least twice a week I will try. Finally, after going around in circles, being pinched, poked and wading through red tape, my insurance was approved yesterday. Yeah!!!!
     Now, the next step. I have an appointment with my oncologist on the 26th, so you know there will be another post after that. Going to sit down and see just how bad of a hold Mr. C has on me and what my options are. No matter what they say I still feel that I can beat this. I have read enough to know it is going to be a fight, but I have my battle Armour on and ready to meet it head on. And those that know me know that it is not a good thing to go toe to toe with me.
     I want to thank everyone that has sent encouragement, stories of their own fight, and the support. I couldn't do this without you. On the brighter side, Riley is learning to cook really well. He made corn beef and gravy over toast tonight. Tasted very good! He is getting the hang of using the stove. LOL
     Well, not much to tell right now, nothing has changed other than I will be starting some kind of treatments soon. Baby steps, breath, Baby steps, breath. Ok, I'm getting there.

August 14, 2015

        Another strange day, In order to get insurance to pay for the treatments for my Cancer, I had to go to an independent doctor contracted by the Women's Health Network to say, yes, she has Cancer. Hmmm, They already had the diagnosis from my Oncologist and the test results, but ok, I'll go to their doctor if that's what it takes.
        So, they set me up an appointment at a clinic in Las Vegas, we googled it to make sure where it was and off we went with some good friends that are visiting. (I think they laughed all the way home after this experience.) Anyway, appointment was at 9:20 and we found the place by 9:10. It was behind a Radiator Shop and between a Mexican Market and a Nail Stylist. Really???
        When inside I felt like I had stepped back to the 1930's, (well, that's ok, it was one of their clinics, right?) filled out a bunch of other paperwork and then sat and waited until around 10:30. Finally got called back, answered some more questions and sat in a little room for another hour. When the doctor finally came in, if I had not been hurting so much I would have rolled of the table laughing. He looked like a small Pancho Villa!
          But now is the time to worry, he asked me if I was ready for my paps smear, my reply is not in this lifetime! I cannot lay down and the problem is not with my woohaa! Then he asked if I had ever had a (I don't know, that test where they put a scope up your backside!) Again, I said not going to happen, problem is not there either. So I started to explain to him what he was supposed to do and why I was there, I have my test results here if you would like to see them, I just need you to confirm that I have cancer that started in the breast and I am out of here.
          Now I had on a loose top with no bra (they are very uncomfortable right now.) when he said that he would have to send me to a breast specialist. I asked him isn't that what he was supposed to be? He said yes, but....... I lifted my top so he could see the dimpled leathery breast and said, "Well here they are! And here is the tests! Can we just get this done please?"
        After turning all shades of red he started to fill out the paperwork and looked at the tests and said he would concur with my Oncologist. Really??? I felt like I had just stepped into some kind of Twilight Zone.
       Who said their wasn't a funny side to this disease. I can't believe what I had to do for the State of Nevada to get treatments. So, glad I have my own Oncologist and not having to get assigned one from the State.
         The good news is I was told by the advocate after the confirmation that I should be able to start my treatments by mid next week. (Or at least do the interview and set up the first appointment.) Yikes! What a day. Glad to be home safe and sound (finally stopped laughing after the 100 miles headed for home.)

August 12, 2015

        What a confusing day! Sometimes I wonder about the paperwork involved with insurance just to get something done. I know there is something I am missing here, but for the life of me I can't figure it out. It takes at least 10 people to work on the application and no one knows what the others are doing, and in the meantime, women like myself just sit and wait. I don't think anyone told them that Cancer does not sit and wait for them. But such is life I guess.
         Ok, whining over, anyway, I called to find out where I was with the application so I could get my initial consultation in Las Vegas. Could not get through and when I did could not get connected with my case worker (or the person supposed to be working on it.) So, I called the original company that applied for me from the Hospital. Then things started rolling.
         Dawn called back and said that I needed to get a confirmation appointment (wanted to make sure I had Cancer and was just not saying that!) LOL Called the "Womens Health Network" and they said I had to make out a new application, that I should have called them to begin with. NOW THEY TELL ME! Why does no one tell people these things. I mean, it is not like this happens to us everyday and we know what to do for pete's sake!
          Anyway, got through to them, talked and was told to call the clinic (phone no. given) ok, take a deep breath. Called to make an appointment with their doctor so he could agree with my doctor so they could fill out an application like the first one so that they could send it to the same place as the first one to get insurance in about 10 days. (Did you say that fast without a breath? You can breath now.)
         I feel like I am playing musical doctors and applications. If I wasn't already guaranteed that all my hair was coming out I would pull it out in frustration! Thank you Obama Care for making things so much easier.
         Other than that it has been a pretty good day. Although I must admit it is rather pathetic when I fold some clothes that Riley washed and feel like I accomplished something. But I guess that's as good as it's going to get for awhile. I feel so bad for Riley, he is really trying hard and very tired doing the work of two.
          Took advise I was given to take the real pain pills on schedule, yup, they were right. Have held all the pain at tolerable today. I think I will work on my next book in the next few days. That should keep me busy and be productive at the same time. Yup, sounds like a plan to me.

August 11, 2015

                    Well, today is another hurry up and wait day. Have not heard a word about Insurance, and have been unable to get any answers so far. Will try again tomorrow.
                    I am still speechless and amazed at the support that I have been given from Family, Friends and Face Book Friends. It is worldwide! Who would have ever thunk it? But I am so grateful for this support, it makes every day easier.
                    I learned a couple of things that really spiked my hope and determination yesterday. A dear friend that lives here in Nye County has a cousin that is 14 years cancer free from the same kind that I have. What impressed me the most is her cousin's also went into the bone like mine, and that's what I was the most scared of. Thank you Paula for sharing that with me. You will never know how much that helped. I also learned two new mantra's that I will repeat every day!

              From Paula! " NOT being ok is NOT an option!"
              And from Crystal Summers - "I may have cancer, but cancer does not have me

                   These are my new mantra's for awhile. Thank you everyone, you are all so special. Yup, today is a good day and tomorrow will be better. I know that it is going to get bad for awhile, but I will make it through this.

So Mother, when you invited me to your blog, knowingly or not you gave me administrative privilege. So I figured that was permission to post on your blog! Lol. If that's not so, let me know! But this time I think I will follow through.

I remember the other day when we were talking about trains. So here's a little video just for you! Love you a million M&M's!

August 10, 2015

          What a day! Had to go to Pahrump (75 miles one way), see about insurance (still no answer). Get some medication and shopping. It tired Riley as bad as it did me, not to mention sticker shock for him. Since he never really did the shopping is was a whole new world for him.
           The pharmacy wanted us to come back tomorrow to pick up the meds. We kept telling him we didn't live in Pahrump, live in Beatty, you understand Beatty?? After about the 4th time Riley chimed in and took care of it. LOL We came back after grocery shopping and there it was. All $300.00 of it. The good news is we did save about $200.00 on a prescription card. Thank goodness!
            Had to take the heavy duty pain pills today. Don't know if it is stress, or just getting tired easily when we are out and about. I try very hard not to take them, but it was just one of those days.
           I used one of those motorized carts today for the first time. Riley walked behind me, then decided it was safer in front of me, then settled for definitely behind me again. I don't think he felt very safe with me behind the wheel. And rightly so! Another lady was not watching where she was going, (in a hurry I suppose) and yup, we crashed. So, after the initial embarrassment, she laughed, I laughed and we exchanged apologies. I did notice though, if she was going to go down the same isle I was in she backed out and went to the next.  Ugh, guess I need shopping cart lessons.
            So to all my friends and family, I am home now, safe and sound. Very tired and sore, but home. Hope to find out about insurance within the next few days so I can start Chemo Therapy Treatments. I have this thing handled and all will be good.

August 8, 2015

Everything is on hold, one day blurs into another. The one thing I have noticed is that I really have no ambition to do anything right now. I don't think that is a good thing, but it seems like my motivation is gone. I need to snap out of this.

The kids and grandchildren have been calling every day. That makes me smile. And my honey Riley is trying so hard. He makes me smile. I guess as time goes on and the doctor devises a plan for me I will feel better. At least then I will be doing something constructive instead of just waiting. Just waiting is not acceptable to me, but for now, I am on hold.

Had a nice surprise though, brought a smile and laughter and reminded me that I have a support group to help me through this. Thank you Kathy! And on the plus plus I have cupcakes and liquorish whips. Now how good is that. So enough of the I feel sorry for myself syndrome and on with the fight! I am good, I am going to get well, I am loved. A person can't ask for more than that.

August 5, 2015

What a day! Up, down, up, down. Roller coaster day. Got up and had shopping list in hand, very optimistic about going to town, seeing Riley's Doctor, doing some shopping and seeing Carrie for coffee. Yup, this is going to be a good day, pain pills down (feeling pretty good). And here we go.

                The ride into Las Vegas went well, just chatting with Riley and reading my book on the way. It is 150 mile ride, then navigating Las Vegas YIKES! First stop was at a Mall clear across town. I had ordered some Hanes bras online and being the precise person that I am, got them too small around and too big in the cup. Even though we thought it was pretty close it was quite a walk. Had to stop once to catch my breath, inhaler didn't do a thing for me. The experience in the store was confusing. Did get a couple exchanged and brought the rest back. The warehouse wanted me to reorder and repay before they would ship new ones. I think not! Already paid for, it is just that the store didn't have enough to exchange. Shame on you Hanes for not backing your store and products.

                Got to the Veteran's Hospital and walked (felt like 3 blocks) to get to Riley's appointment, but I was already tired. Had to stop twice to catch my breath, think it was the heat but we made it. Riley is doing really good, all tests came back good, see you in 6 months. Loved that! When we went back to the car (Wouldn't you know it!) we used the exit close to his doctors office and there was the car! We had walked all around the hospital going in when we could have went a very short distance from the car. Oh well, needed the exercise anyway.

                Well, by now I can tell you I am really exhausted, cranky, hungry and I hurt! Maybe it was not such a good idea to try to do all of this. Need to go to Mike and Carrie's for coffee, find something to eat, oh boy. We drove around Las Vegas, can't remember how to get there. I called Carrie and she wasn't sure where we were and of course being the sweet person that I am I got snarky with her. Sorry Carrie, Moms just not herself today. Missed an important call about insurance and so to add to misery, I'm very upset. Then I called Michael and he laughed at us about it, well, that didn't help my mood any. LOL Poor kids, they kind of got Mothers wrath and didn't deserve it at all. Sooooooooo, we finally get there, Michael is waiting for us and we go in for coffee. Oh it tasted so good. Needed that. Received a phone call about the insurance while I was there and was able to take it calmly. Will know Monday what is going on. The young lady was very nice and said she will work with me on this. So, calming down and feeling better. There is still hope.

                Stopped by Sunrise Hospital, Riley and I wanted to say thank you to the nurses on the 5th floor while I was there. I felt so spoiled (even will all the tests!). Nurses need to see that what they do does make a difference more than just physically. Thank you Ladies.

                Well, so much for shopping for groceries, we decided just to go home. So, another 150 miles homes, exhausted and not doing so well.  Finally home, relax, breath, and off to bed. What a day. I will try to get comfortable and call it a day. Nothing planned for tomorrow so maybe I can recoup then.

               

August 4, 2015

Doing absolutely nothing today. Started the same as every day for the last week. No improvement, but no worse. Getting ready to go to Las Vegas tomorrow for Riley. He has an appointment with his lung doctor. Just a 6 month check up. He had the right lower lobe of his lung removed last January and they keep an eye on him. But he is doing so well, back to normal. So, nothing exciting to say other than to let my children and grandchildren know how much I love their daily phone calls. Brings the sun out on a stormy day. Love you all.

August 3, 2015

Today was not such a good day. Both emotionally and physically. Not looking forward to many days like this, but it is going to happen. I am not a strong person (everyone thinks I am , boy do I have them fooled!) I don't think I could do this without God holding my hand.  He is my strength.  And I thank  God every day for my husband. Riley is my rock, and he does it so well. When emotions take over just having someone there to hold you can mean the world.

                Riley helped me out of the bed this morning, (in fact, this has become the normal for now, oh well, I guess when you gotta pee, you gotta pee. ) The pain was pretty bad and I am unable to raise myself from a laying position right now. But the good news after I am up and take a few drugs, I am able to move again. Not do a whole lot, but at least move. Do you know how such small things like taking yourself to the bathroom feels so good?  

                Called and got an appointment with my Primary Doctor, will be at the end of the week so they can get all the files from the hospital. That one went well. Put a call in to the Cancer Center where my Oncologist is at. Left a message and waiting for a return call. So, to fill in the time, decided to pay the bills for the month. Fun, yup. Need to make a bill box so when I am not able to do this for whatever reason Riley can still get bills paid.

                The Cancer Center called back and talked with a very nice young lady. The bad thing is she cannot even make the consultation appointment until I have some kind of insurance. I broke down completely at this point. She stayed right there on the phone with me while I tried to compose myself. What am I going to do? She gave me a number to call to try to get something going, she said the consultation was about $600 and the treatments were up to $100,000 each. We just don't have that kind of money. Too young for Medicare and don't know if we qualify for State Insurance. I just have to trust in God that he will take care of this. I did call Sunrise Hospital because I had signed some papers there and it seems like someone there had already applied and I had a billing no. from the State. Does not guarantee anything, but it is a start. Sabina at the Cancer Center said the minute I get confirmation to fax it to her and I will have an appointment immediately. She put me top of the list. Is this where I say, thank you Obama for screwing up Insurance? How many other people are in this little doughnut hole with not hope. But I am determined, by the Grace of God I will get the help I need and beat this thing.

               

August 2, 2015

Well,  another day, I thank you God. Won't do much today,  getting my paperwork ready to make doctor appointments tomorrow. Riley and I canned figs today, he did a great job and I was able to at least pack the jars. I don't think he likes canning but he was a champ to help.

            Riley propped up my half of the bed so I rested well last night. He also got me a bed that will recline so that I can get myself up and down. So excited. (Although, it still needs to be put together. LOL) He also was able to get me a nebulizer, the inhaler just doesn't work. It seems with a nebulizer I can take a breathing treatment and the pain in my back subsides. Makes life a whole lot better for now.

            Today is a good day, just getting a new grip on what is going to happen and determined to fight to get better. Strange things go through your head when you are in this position. But it all comes down to my family, I have to be strong, I have to win this war with Mr. C. so that I can take my life back.

            I have been surprised with the support that I have received from the people in the town where I live. I just never imagined it. Thank you all. So with all the wonderful support from family and friends, how can I not get better. I am not afraid, I feel confident and good about the outcome.

August 1, 2015

Thank goodness for Riley, he helped me get up this morning. Not a pretty site. It took a bit to catch my breath and be able to move. Soooo, I learned trying to raise up from a complete prone position is totally out of the picture. After I am up and around it gets way better. I was sent home with pain pills, an inhaler, and a steroid pack.

            I have learned that my honey is a pretty good cook. He has taken over the household duties for the most part. I feel guilty and have to work through these feelings. But he is doing so well. I know that I am in good hands. The part that kills me is I can't do what I did before, help him, cook for him, it is breaking my heart. I guess that's the emotional downside to this. But I will work hard to get better so I can take back my wifely duties.

            We have a fig tree in our front yard, this year it gave us a bumper crop. Riley put them in water so they can be canned tomorrow. Don't know how much help I will be, but he will learn to can figs tomorrow. Don't want them all going to waste. LOL But for the rest of the day, I am not going to do anything. Today is our day of rest, and rest we will.